; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
