you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
