As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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