At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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