the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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