I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
