No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
