can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
We had to coat check the pizza.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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