Im at strip club and am horny
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
