just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
