no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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