so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
