You're completely useless in the revolution.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
