They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
