Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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