I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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