If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
