Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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