No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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