its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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