if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
he just fucked me for my cheese.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
