She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
