I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
