If that was your dad, he is hot
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
