peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
