I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I need a beard to bite.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
