i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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