the condom got lost in my hair
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
God I need to hump something, right now.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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