batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just threw up on my dentist
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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