after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
