She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Your dad touched me again.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
