Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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