When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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