I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
