Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
