What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
