last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
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