Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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