god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
