Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Sorry about my life...
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
