when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
