Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
