dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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