he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
