There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
