i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
