I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Porn is love you can see.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
