Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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