you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
