Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
